Bristol Palin Pregnant For 3rd Time With New Guy

bristol palin 44444On the eve of signing a new deal with Abstinence Only Teaching (AOT), an organization that promotes abstinence-only sex education, Bristol Palin confirmed she is pregnant for the third time with a guy she met through the dating app Tinder.

Palin gave birth in December to her second child, Sailor, and now she is a month pregnant with another child due in October of 2016.

The father, who wishes not to be identified yet, said, “She told me she was on birth control. I guess not.

“I usually wear a condom but we were so drunk I said ‘screw it.’ You know how it goes sometimes. It was a fun night, though.”

The Palin family is said to be disappointed but will be supportive of the new child in every way.

The new AOT contract was for 3 years and $750,000. For the $250k per year, Palin would speak to 180 schools and 12 conferences on abstinence-only sex education. All travel expenses are paid for, including first class plane tickets, limo service and hotel suites when available.

The contract was offered with the organization knowing of the two children Palin had out of wedlock already but said, “We support her and still think she’s a good role model for young girls and boys. We are all God’s children and we aren’t perfect. But abstinence-only sex education is perfect. You can’t argue that fact.”

A subsection in the new contract states that Palin would violate its “morality clause” if she became pregnant out of wedlock more than twice during the 3 years of the new deal.

  • Carl Dunbar

    ROTFLMAO! I’d say Fuk Bristol, but that would be like Waaaaaaaaaaaaaay redundent. What a freakin PIG. But then, I’ve NEVER met a #Gop female w an ounce of class anyway.

    • Jerry Knight

      Excuse me but the classiest lady died today …named Nancy Reagan…which Dem would you put her up against….Hilary or Moochelle

      • 1_SPJ40

        Jackie & Michelle, you can keep the dead dragon lady.

      • 1_SPJ40

        I didn’t know Nancy was still alive? I thought she died years ago? Who kept that relic alive?

        • Southerner01

          Wow, you’re almost as classy as Howard Stern.

      • Paula White

        Your ignorance is showing. Her name is. Michelle.

    • Southerner01

      You’re just a paragon of class. Pot, meet kettle. Not very smart either. This is a parody article. Look at the name of the website.

    • ricky stratton

  • Steven Leitner

    Abstinence spokesperson, my ass. She should be kicked out of that organization.

  • Hank

    Shall we expect number 4?

    • roslyn

      NO TWINS.

  • Kelly Grace McCormick

    Bristol Palin wants to compete with the Octa Mom

    • Southerner01

      Just curious, do you get your political news from The Onion?

  • Rick

    Yes but you can argue abstinence sex education is easier said than done …obviously! A complete waste of money!!! The very “treacher” isn’t even practicing what they preach

  • crimsons

    This is a satire site…

  • Southerner01

    Wow, it is amazing to see how many rubes suckered for this satire piece, even though it is published on a website called Satiratribune.

  • Dirty Harry

    AOT said, “We support her and still think she’s a good role model for young girls and boys. We are all God’s children and we aren’t perfect. But abstinence-only sex education is perfect. You can’t argue that fact.” How is she a good role model??? 3 babies and 3 dads………She will need for Bernie Sanders to get elected to support all her out of wedlock children.

  • Christopher R Weiss

    While this is satire, it is frightening how believable it is.