Milwaukee, WI – Former Republican candidate Ben Carson was denied access to the parties Town Hall after security deemed him a threat.

The FBI announced that most of the continents of the San Bernardino shooter’s iPhone were ‘dick pics.’

The FBI announced it had cracked the San Bernardino’s shooter iPhone. The company that created the backdoor was a Chinese firm based out of Shanghai. They were paid $30 million for their trouble.

The Hillary Clinton email scandal is coming to an end with the FBI charging the Democratic Presidential Candidate with the unlawful removal of national security information.

To help celebrate Easter, the Mormon Church airdropped over 600,000 Bibles over war-torn Syria in both the ISIS and Kurdish-controlled areas.

As another Democratic caucus finishes in the State of Washington, over 175,000 votes were cast without the use of a single calculator. The average caucus worker is also 76 years old.

“It’s just not likely,” Ted Cruz told supporters after allegations of extramarital affairs. “I mean, just look at me. I know it.”

Every Chipotle customer knows “Guacamole is an extra charge, is that okay?” Many customers say yes, others are annoyed by the whole process of getting the burrito the way they want. To lure back customers and satisfy current ones, guacamole will now be free with any burrito or bowl.

The majority of South and Central America are now Communists countries after President Obama’s trip to Cuba.

Scientists around the world concluded that a Heaven resides beyond the X-107 Black Hole in the Andromeda Galaxy.

In an exit poll study of Donald Trump voters, 18% currently use a smartphone as their mobile device. 73% of Americans use a ‘smartphone’ as their primary device.

As the FBI sued Apple to force the tech giant to unlock one of the San Bernardino shooter’s iPhone, a third party has come forward with a method of hacking into the iPhone’s operating system.

1. I’ll make more money from this article that a thousand people will read than the best college basketball player that millions of people will watch on TV All of 30 cents.

The flamboyant, crack smoking mayor Rob Ford died Tuesday after a battle with cancer.

At a secluded Marriott Hotel outside of Reno, Nevada, Democratic candidate Bernie Sanders secured an additional 728 Super Delegates.

After a judge awarded professional wrestler Hulk Hogan $115 million from news website Gawker, Hogan announced he will purchase the professional wrestling promotion TNA (Total Nonstop Action).

Days after dropping out of the presidential race, former presidential candidate Marco Rubio announced his post-Senate plans. At a news conference this afternoon at Univision’s headquarters in Miami, Rubio unveiled his kid’s television show called ‘Adventures with Little Marco.’

Reports from Japanese newspaper Yomiuri Shimbun say, Otto Warmbier, the University of Virginia student sentenced to 15 years hard labor in North Korea, is missing a day after his excessive punishment was set to begin.  

“How dare Obama do his Job,” said Republican leader Mitch McConnell. “This is just Obama playing politics. If he wants to play politics, he should run for president or something.”

In a controversial move, all pro- Trump supporters attending future Trump rallies will receive a literal “get out of jail free” card, courtesy of Donald Trump himself. The laminated, business-sized card will include the names and phone numbers of local attorneys and bail bondsman who are on retainer to help those enthusiastic Trump voters who may feel the need to take a swipe at those who they feel are disrespectful of the Donald.