“It was a loan, you have to repay loans,” said Trump. “It has a very modest interest rate on it. I could have charged way more, believe me.”

New Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) findings determined that average Los Angeles tap water contains 12% Xanax and 4% oxycodone.

In an announcement last week, a spokesperson for ISIS told the world they will officially be switching from Toyota to Honda.

Through a relative, Hillary Clinton may have hidden money in a global offshore banking scandal called the Panama Papers.

“I thought deep and hard and decided it wouldn’t be fair to win the Republican Presidential nominee with only ten percent of the primary vote,” John Kasich told supporters Sunday afternoon. “While I adamantly dislike my opponents, Trump and Cruz, it’s not right to win via underhanded backroom political maneuvering.”

The cable news network CNN has officially announced they will no longer cover any Bernie Sanders events or hold discussions on the Democratic Presidential hopeful.

As a campaign promise, Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz is vowing to make all prisons privately owned.

“Two words; alpha male, great, killer, destroyer,” said Schrute. “That is Trump. And warlord.”

At the world’s largest wrestling event, WWE’s WrestleMania 32 in Dallas, Texas, a man of 34 years old died after falling off the top balcony in section 418 at the AT&T Stadium.

In surprising news, a Dragon Ball Z and Avengers tie-in movie officially got the greenlight from Disney and production will begin this August in Georgia.

On the footsteps of Trump Tower in New York City, Republican candidate admitted his presidential campaign was one big April Fools Day joke and would serve to promote his new reality television show documenting the prank.

FBI Director James Comey and Apple are once again at odds, this time over hacking his girlfriend’s iPhone.

The Miami Marlins current hitting coach, Barry Bonds, will play right field in the team’s final Spring Training game.

Milwaukee, WI – Former Republican candidate Ben Carson was denied access to the parties Town Hall after security deemed him a threat.

The FBI announced that most of the continents of the San Bernardino shooter’s iPhone were ‘dick pics.’

The FBI announced it had cracked the San Bernardino’s shooter iPhone. The company that created the backdoor was a Chinese firm based out of Shanghai. They were paid $30 million for their trouble.

The Hillary Clinton email scandal is coming to an end with the FBI charging the Democratic Presidential Candidate with the unlawful removal of national security information.

To help celebrate Easter, the Mormon Church airdropped over 600,000 Bibles over war-torn Syria in both the ISIS and Kurdish-controlled areas.

As another Democratic caucus finishes in the State of Washington, over 175,000 votes were cast without the use of a single calculator. The average caucus worker is also 76 years old.

“It’s just not likely,” Ted Cruz told supporters after allegations of extramarital affairs. “I mean, just look at me. I know it.”