Tom Cruise Given New Title Of ‘King of Scientology’

scientology buildingIn addition to moving to England to live in a castle owned by Scientology, Tom Cruise has been bestowed a new title within the religion; King.

King Cruise will retain his current duties and will help with a new marketing campaign.

Scientology is using the King idea like old England and gives its users a new way to move up the hierarchy that will attract younger users.

“Who doesn’t want to be King?” asked Scientology chairman David Miscavige. “We have knights, noblemen, everything old empires had. You start as a peasant but are given the ability to raise to an upper class.

“It’s like a videogame which younger people love and our one true religion.”

Membership of the Church has dropped dramatically since the 1990’s and the new marketing plan has energized the base.

Scientology member Tom Goldberg said, “I just received my knightship. They flew me to England and I got to go a real castle and King Cruise but a sword over my shoulder and knighted me. It was the best experience of my life. Maybe I’ll be King someday.

“I heard they might even add more kings. The Supreme King, which is Cruise, then add Kings for different countries and cities. It’s a really smart way to increase membership and make it fun.

“All the traditional Scientology stuff is still intact. It’s just another way to make the levels more fun besides donating money.”