It was leaked that Donald Trump was so furious that his children failed to register as Republicans, that he almost disinherited his daughter Ivanka and son Eric due to their being unable to vote for him in next week’s New York primaries.
“I am very, very disappointed in their lack of knowledge of the rules,” Trump told a colleague. “All of those years of fancy, expensive private schools and they can’t even figure out how to register as a Republican? I thought that they taught that stuff at Choate. And what happens if I lose by one vote? Then it will be all their fault. No excuses. Their inheritance will be nothing and will be fired from my company.”
Reversal of Fortunes
“To be fair, these are very dumb rules. Rules that are just made up to keep me from being president. Those New York Republican Party fat cats, sitting up there on their ivory thrones, thinking of new ways to screw me over. Making me mad at my kids. I guess it’s not their fault. But maybe it is? Who knows.”
Ivanka and Eric Trump’s ineligibility to vote in the state’s closed Republican contest was made public last week; unlike their elder brother, Donald Trump, Jr, both missed the October deadline to declare their party affiliation. Thus, they will be sitting this one out, with potential personal consequences considerably larger than mere parental disappointment.
“I just don’t know what happened, said Ivanka. I mean, I had it circled on my calendar, but between my two kids, and my recent pregnancy, and all those interviews and campaign stops and my handbag and shoe lines, I guess I just forgot. And really, considering what’s probably going to go down in Cleveland, it’s not like my vote is really going to matter anyway.”
When reached for comment, Eric responded, ”My brother, Donny, what a suck up. Mr. Never do Anything Wrong. Sure, he can vote for Dad because he is just so fucking perfect.
“All I know is that every hour my father spends trying to ruin America’s future is one less hour that he has to spend trying to ruin mine. In many ways, the past year has been one of the best of my life, well, as long as I don’t watch the news. It may actually have been worth the millions that I have apparently almost just kissed goodbye.”
