In a scene reminiscent of the Seinfeld episode where Frank Costanza falls onto a fusilli Jerry that Kramer had made, North Korean leader Kim Jong-un drunkenly fell, landing ass-first onto a metal model rocket he had been displaying for guests. It was a replica for the recent rocket they sent to space.
The model rocket, 14 inches high with a 4-inch circumference, was completely submerged in Kim’s rectum. Apparently the first 2 seconds felt great then turned terribly painful with uncontrollable crying reported.
The drunken members who witnessed the event laughed and told family and friends. They have all been executed, but not before the story made its way across North Korea.
Surgery to remove the model rocket was successful, but it will be a painful recovery. Doctors said Dennis Rodman’s visits had helped lessen the potential damage done by the rocket and it could have been much worse. A secondary anus was implanted for the time being to avoid bleeding when going to the bathroom. The second anus is a hole on his hip that works somehow. Several Chinese surgeons were flown in to help with the delicate and unusual procedure.
Kim will regain the ability to poop properly in 2-3 months after his bowels are reconnected to his natural ass. This makes George W. Bush choking on peanuts at a baseball game look like peanuts.
We wish Jong-un a speedy recovery from his torn anus/rectum/prostate and a return to regular bowel movements through his normal asshole.
Any mention of the incident will result in the penalty of death. But since the reason or the law is embarrassing to the Great Leader, even describing the death penalty will result in death. It’s the classic bleeding from the ass conundrum.
Since Kim must sit on an inflatable donut for the coming months, everyone in the country has to as well in solidarity for the Great Leader. The government says it’s a new technology that even the Americans don’t possess. Think of it like the North Korean version of an iPhone except it doesn’t do anything cool and is way more bulkier to carry around everywhere at all times with the penalty of death for not using it. Although, not carrying a smartphone in America may lead to suicide.
Chinese social media websites have had fun making fun of the North Korean leader with memes and animations flooding the internet.
Several sex toy companies are already capitalizing on the incident by making Kim Jong-un dildos (they promise not to cause massive bleeding and torn rectums when used properly).
