FBI Director James Comey and Apple are once again at odds, this time over hacking his girlfriend’s iPhone.
“There is a lot of important information on that phone we need to gain access to for the sake of national security,” said the director. “And plus, who’s she always calling at 2 am, Jake from State Farm?”
Apple has refused to help the FBI in this instance. Their chief executive Tim Cook has said that developing a way to hack this phone would have “serious moral consequences.” And the law is apt to side with Apple. A major reason for this is that there is not just one phone designated to be hacked. The FBI is intending to check the texts and call logs of between 60 and 100 different girlfriends and ex-girlfriends of their current staff.
James Comey has been accused of wasting taxpayer dollars on a frivolous pursuit and has even been called a sexist.
“We are not wasting a single cent of tax money,” Comey responded to these allegations. “And I am certainly not a sexist. I just can’t stand when my girl is out all night and can’t even pick up her phone. I mean, what is she up to?”
The FBI has continually been hounded by the media about their campaign, confronted with the sentiment they should be after actual terrorists.
“These are terrorists, people, and don’t forget it for a second. When my better half is out all night and doesn’t call, she’s terrorizing me. I’m totally overtaken with terror because I’m so concerned about her wellbeing. Doesn’t that make her a terrorist?”
Apple has remained steadfast in their position, issuing this most recent statement:
“We will never collaborate with the FBI on such matters. But in the event some dude from Israel figures out how to hack the phones, we’d love to collaborate on such matters.”