“It’s just not likely,” Ted Cruz told supporters after allegations of extramarital affairs. “I mean, just look at me. I know it.”
Rival Republican candidate Donald Trump denies starting these rumors through the tabloid The National Enquirer, but Cruz accuses Trump of pulling strings to get his New York friends to do his dirty work.
The drama all began after an anti-Trump Super PAC released provocative photos of Trump’s wife to Utah voters, a state that Cruz won.
Now, with the preposterous accusations that more than one woman would ever sleep with Ted Cruz is in the spotlight.
The Creep At The Bar
A woman who attends a D.C. Bar said, “Oh God, ‘Creepy Ted’ we call him. Every woman in DC thinks he’s a creep. He uses cheesy pick-up lines and just has that creepy demeanor.
“There is no way any woman has ever gone home with. I’ve seen him get kicked out of several bars for bothering woman and making the environment super creepy. So did he cheat? I don’t think it’s physically possible.”
There is also a Maryland stripper who had to file a restraining order to keep Cruz away from her. “Yeah, I had to file a restraining order against Creepy Ted. I’ve slept with plenty of ugly politicians, but Cruz has this aura of creep that makes it impossible to engage in any type of sexual activity.
“The only reason I hope he wins the election is so I know I’ll be safe from him for at least four years.
“Cruz is like that old saying, ‘couldn’t get laid in a whore house with a fist full of hundreds.’ I mean, I’m sure there is some price a woman would do him for, but it would cost so much there would be no way his wife wouldn’t find out.”