Days after dropping out of the presidential race, former presidential candidate Marco Rubio announced his post-Senate plans. At a news conference this afternoon at Univision’s headquarters in Miami, Rubio unveiled his kid’s television show called ‘Adventures with Little Marco.’
Pitched as a Hispanic ‘Blues Clues,’ Univision hopes to start local in the Miami-Dade area and then grow to other mass Hispanic markets. It stars Marco Rubio and a surrounding cast fo children who learn lessons throughout the show.
“I have an amazing opportunity to do good work, as well as get a good paycheck for my family,” said Rubio at the press conference. “These Univision people don’t fool around. Unlike the American voters, they know a star when they see one. I will be starting at quadruple my current Senate salary, guaranteed for the next four years, plus incentives and have a fifty percent cut of all future licensing rights. There’s a lot of potential for Little Marco tee-shirts and lunchboxes.
“And it’s all owned by Disney. Who knows? Maybe someday I will get my own ride at Disney World, ‘Take a Ride On Rubio.’ How cool would that be? It’s not like the President will get that.”
Fusion spokesperson Maria Montera-Garcia added, “We have been looking to add to our children’s’ programming for some time. Nickelodeon has Dora the Explorer, but she only talks about maps and monkeys and her friend Diego.
“With Little Marco, we have a chance to teach pre-school children about real values, values that Mr. Rubio has championed throughout his campaign, the values of family and faith. Mr. Rubio’s speaking style, using lots and lots of repetition is ideal for teaching young children.
“He is also short enough that we won’t have to spend lots of extra money on fancy oversized sets. Mr. Rubio has also been talking about how if he can just get his message to kids early enough, maybe he has a chance of winning their votes when they turn 18. So Rubio 2032, I guess? My goal is to get the show to syndication.
“And we already know the Hispanic market is the fastest growing telvivion market. It’s also the fastest voter market, but they forget to vote or don’t vote Republican, yet.”
Fusion has already secured the services of Robert and Kristen Lopez, the highly successful composers of the music for the movie Frozen, to write catchy songs that pre-school kids will love. When Mr. Lopez was reached for comment, he said, “We have been given ‘suggestions’ for the songs that anchor the lesson of each episode. So far they have included “Teacher, Please Let us Pray Now” and “I am so Sad Because I Have Two Mommies.”
Mr. Rubio’s future road to financial success is not without its obstacles. Donald Trump tweeted “ Marco Rubio is a thief! Little Marco is totally my creation! He and Univision, the network of drug dealers and rapists had better get ready for me and my lawyers to tie them up in court forever. I own Little Marco’s ass and he knows it!”
