Hollywood, CA – With America preparing for Sundays big award show for the actors and actresses they love with dip and Red Carpet scorecards, Hollywood’s drug dealers are preparing for a busy weekend.
“We all win during the Oscars. The losers buy a ton of drugs to cope with disappointment and winners buy a ton, sometimes an actual ton, of drugs to celebrate their victory,” said Sean ‘Drape’ Dawson. “It’s going to be a blast.”
“It’s our Black Friday, but without any black people,” said Drape. “The only other time of year that comes close in volume to the Oscars is the Thursday before Coachella.”
The most common drug of choice is still cocaine because of it’s pleasant mixture with alcohol and it makes boring things slightly more interesting, but other drugs are becoming in vogue.
“We’ll probably do more downers this year,” said Drape. “Valium and Xanax are always popular. Can’t go wrong with pain pills. A little bit of heroin probably. We are seeing a much demand for hallucinogens this year. So, acid will be big. Mushrooms have had trouble because of California’s drought, so acid is a good alternative that I recommend. Meth is also making a comeback which is exciting.”
Of course, alcohol will be the most popular legal drug with parties going on over the city. “Our goal is to enhance the parties,” said Drape. “They don’t call them party favors for nothing. You don’t want to be sober when talking to most of these people, trust me.”
When asked about his clients Drape became a little hesitant, but it’s Hollywood so nothing like a little bragging. “I own two of the big studios, that’s how I roll,” said Drape. “They know who to go through me for the very best. I have my own car spot at MGM Studios. My car is the one with the big ass line stretching to Lot 15.
“I’m also a street artist, here take my demo CD too.”
