Sarah Palin: “Steve Jobs Should Be Charged With Treason For Not Helping The FBI”

Andrew F. Kazmierski / Shutterstock.com
Andrew F. Kazmierski / Shutterstock.com

Former Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin told reporters the FBI should charge Steve Jobs with treason if he doesn’t unlock the San Bernardino shooter’s iPhone.

After a Federal Judge ruled that Apple must unlock the shooter’s iPhone, Apple said it will appeal the decision and has until Tuesday to respond. To unlock the phone, Apple would need to create a backdoor into their own encryption technology which could place everyone’s privacy at risk.

Palin went on a rant scolding the tech giant for even questioning the Judge’s decision to unlock the phone. “It’s unpatriotic to abide a terrorist, duh,” said Palin. “Steve Jobs should be ashamed of himself for his actions. Any more deaths that could have been prevented will be on Steve’s decision not to help America.”

Steve Jobs, who died in 2011 from pancreatic cancer, is unlikely to unlock an iPhone or be charged with anything, but that didn’t stop Palin from railing on the former tech visionary.

“I can’t believe Steve Jobs is siding with the terrorists. I’m personally boycotting his stuff. If he doesn’t let us know who the shooter knew, there could be another terrorist attack and Jobs will have to take that to his grave.”

With Steve Jobs being dead for five years, Tim Cook has been Apple’s CEO and is in charge of making Apple’s decision to break into their own encryption service.

  • Brian Tracey

    Further proof she never reads a newspaper.

  • liberalcrusader

    Clinically insane, she should be permanently placed in a cage at Walmart!

    • academicjock

      Walmart won’t have her.

      • liberalcrusader

        You know you have hit rock bottom at that point!

  • Mahmoud El-Yousseph

    Sarah Palin is America’s dumbest woman life.

    • tomdfw1

      Your wife is much worse!

      • ATM

        Goats are not that smart.

      • Kelvinator

        Ignore the troll.

    • Kelvinator

      Sorry, Melissa Harris Perry has her beat by a wide margin

      • SecludedCompound

        I think it’s pretty much verifiably false that Melissa Harris Perry is anywhere near as stupid as Sarah Palin. Sorry.

        • Kelvinator

          SP never wore a tampon as an earring, never used gender or race to advance her career, and, despite the fact that she had to resign as governor due to an onslaught of lawsuits by Democrats, had a record of success as Governor of Alaska. MHP is a dumb, black bimbo.

          • SecludedCompound

            Oh, actually, Sarah Palin was not a success as Governor, which is why she quit halfway through and was never successful at anything besides selling hokum to stupid wingnuts again, and will never be. It’ is fun to realize that there are still people out there that are dumb enough not to realize how stupid Sarah Palin actually is, but entertainment is about all you can get out of her at this point.

            But kudos on simultaneously calling miss Perry a race hustler and being super straight-up racist in the same post. It’s always interesting to see Republican racists do that without batting an eyelash.

          • Kelvinator

            Deluded moron troll. I am NOT a Republican. And for you to stand up for this racist retard speaks volumes for you lack on intelligence. Sarah Palin WAS a successful governor, executive and statesperson, unlike your Cankles, who despises America. Troll. Private account, more messages than upvotes. You, my firend, are not a very happy person.

          • Loyo Yostuff

            that makes you a ball sucker…

          • Kelvinator

            Speaking of trolls, I believe you made a wrong turn at MediaMatters. Not begone, foul troll. I poop bigger than you.

  • Thomas Bowling

    Why do yall keep her in the news hahahaha. Even though this is a bogus report. Hahahaha

  • Michael Reiter

    Tonight I’m going to take Bristol’s virginity!

    • okiejoe100

      I’m thinking you’d be about 15 years to late for that.

      • Michael Reiter

        No shit dumbass. Like being late to blame Steve Jobs.

        • MPGNV

          Wow, you’re just a dick, aren’t you? People are agreeing with your comments and acknowledging your humor, but you don’t seem to realize it. You must be a blast at parties.

    • academicjock

      LOL! Too late … the second baby confirmed she’s not a virgin! LOL!

      • Michael Reiter

        Wow you’re as stupid as Palin! Obviously I know that. But Steve Jobs is fucking dead since 2011 moron! It was obviously sarcasm on my part.

        • academicjock

          Geez! Lighten up! I AGREED with you! Your comment was CLEARLY sarcasm as was mine! See, once she has a baby, that is proof she is no longer a virgin so obviously YOU could not ‘take’ her virginity. Thus, the second baby was even MORE evidence of her lack of innocence! IT WAS A JOKE! That was why I prefaced and ended my comment with “LOL!”

      • Vonnie Phillips

        You know, this is not funny, and your line of thinking, incorporating sex into this demonstrates how uninformed and stupid you are. This women was close to being Vice President of the United States.

        • academicjock

          Umm … the subject is the hypocritical daughter who was PAID by right wing conservative religious groups to lecture about the virtues associated with remaining chaste while not married who then, despite already having violated her own admonishments by having had a child out of wedlock THEN went out and had another child out of wedlock. The subject was not the moronic mother who was almost VPOTUS. The hypocritical daughter’s name is BRISTOL and the “almost” VP mother’s name is Sarah. Thanks for proving yourself the one with the reading comprehension problem who wrongly called me stupid. So, with that in mind, “unfphuq” you as I’d not wish something as nice as a “fphuq” on an ignorant rectal sphincter TROLL like you. Now, I’ll go back to being stupid and ground myself. Should I take my car keys away, too?

          • Vonnie Phillips

            Learn to write better. Your writing is amorphous!

          • academicjock

            Oh … ok – ok- ok … I’ll work at being more specific … and less amorphous! LOL!

            OK … here goes … are ya ready?
            Your ignorance, demonstrated by your earlier reply, is glaring as the subject is the DAUGHTER of the candidate and not the candidate.

            THERE! Was that less amorphous for you? Do you now understand how really stupid your “sex” reply was? OR, was my reply still too obtuse for you? :^)

          • Vonnie Phillips

            You’re making a fool of yourself, you really are.

          • academicjock

            You are correct. I am making a fool of myself by replying to you.

            Now, for review (for the third time). I was not the one (that was YOU) who condemn another (that was me) while totally being wrong about the issue at hand. YOU, vonnie, continually ignore that “600 pound gorilla”. Clearly, you are unable to keep the story straight. So, once again, the topic is the hypocritical daughter of the dumbest, by just a little bit, major politician in our country, not the other way around.

            Now, I’m going to help you to improve your self-esteem by no longer replying to your idiocy as pointing out that idiocy likely only reinforces the stupidity you must face every time you look in the mirror.

            OH, one more thing … Since you like to look up words that are beyond your comprehension and include them in replies, here is one for you to look up … mucopolysaccharidecondrotinsulfate.

  • okiejoe100

    Jesus! Digging up the dead to throw dirt on them.

  • Dond

    You Know what would be great ….If Trump made her Vice President …It would the greatest show on earth ……LOL

    • bwaddle

      Like Dan Quayle – as protection against assassination.

      • ATM

        Or Crazy Joe Biden?

    • Pinkroses914

      A freak show for sure! Or is it the clown show?
      Hmmm, decisions decisions…..

  • Mr. Bungle

    Satire is right in the name, folks.

    • Ashleigh S

      I figured. It’s just disconcerting how plausible it seems that she would spout something like this (especially after everything else she’s been spouting).

      • Mr. Bungle

        Yeah, I wouldn’t put it past her to say something this stupid!

  • M Colins

    Kinda ironic all the geniuses talking about what a dumbass Palin is who missed the fact this is satire.

    • rene1220

      Oh, c’mon M Colins. You’re taking all the fun out of this. Satire? Yes. Is it something she could have said? Yes. It’s exactly who she is. Nuff said.

      • M Colins

        I’m sure we all think politicians on either side of the aisle are imbeciles. But it takes a special kind of person to read a manufactured quote or story like this is, crow over it, and then double down when they learn they were fooled. I am not so concerned over Palin who will never hold elective office again as I am about unindicted felons like Clinton and accomplishment challenged collectivist economic ignoramuses like Sanders who stand a fair chance of actually running this country.

        • Steven Rakes

          M Collins A not Indicted felon? Why is that Einstein? A little thing called lack of evidence. Foe her entire life, your people have been “claiming” she has done every crime under the sun, yet not one charge, & why is that? Because they know hate filled morons like you, all they have to do is keep repeating these things over & over again, & they know they’re lies, but also know their followers like you are stupid enough or so full of hate or too lazy ot incapable to find out the truth on your own. If as they say ignorance truly is bliss you must live in total ecstasy!

          • M Colins

            I guess you didnt know that the quality of justice has many times depends on how much justice you can afford. All those mafia bosses who were indicted but never convicted must have all been good citizens as well? This lady will go down as one of the most incompetent and at the same time corrupt people ever to hold office. And you know I can even say that without calling you names. But I wonder how hard it must be to ignore the scandal after scandal this lady has been involved in, from almost the beginning her career as the wife of an important man to now. I’m going to ignore my own standard here and suggest that maybe you’re the imbecile because it is folks like you who will vote for this piece of work.

          • Steven Rakes

            M Collins, imbecile? Coming from you. an obvious rider on the “slow” bus, that is a complement. Unindicted,,but all these investigations by the Republican party, who found nothing, but yet it all has to do with how much justice she can afford? How much has been spent on this fishing expedition, & it is a waste of money & all about politics, even their leader slipped up & admitted it That is because the Republican know their entire base is made up of imbecile, racists, & uneducated buffoons who know if they keep repeating their lies over & over again, their base will say I keep hearing it, so it must be true. If she belongs in jail by your standards, why havent Bush Jr, Cheney, Rice, & Rumsfeld not been put away for life? Also why was Reagan, who started this downfall of America with “trickle” on everyone not rich economics, Iran-Contra, starting the race issue, but that’s ok, isnt it? Give me proof from a legitimate source, that means not right or left wing, to back up your diarrhea of the mouth. You should try some Pepto for that, or better use Imodium, it works better!

          • Tia

            Well said.

          • M Colins

            Hard to respond to so much bile actually.

          • Steven Rakes

            M Collins Bile? But you cant back up any of your fraudulent claims with any evidence/facts? Why is that? Could it be because you can’t. How is asking you for a legitimate source to support your claim, unless like most Republicans/Right wingers, you are good at lies but allergic to fact, how is rhat bile? I notice you didnt dispute anything I said, & we both know why? Legitimately, you can’t

          • Gary Jenkins

            Confront M. Collins with a dose of truth. He read about Hilary’s unindicted crime on a satire website. He doesn’t know he has been duped.

          • Gary Jenkins

            He knows of Hilary’s guilt, but have you noticed that he didn’t have the cohonos to say what she would have been charged with. He read about it, but he didn’t know it was a satire source.

          • Christopher Balanciere

            Colins, I think it’s ironic you would so cavalierly toss out the notion that the quality of justice depends on how much justice you can afford. You said it as if everyone should know that.
            I hope that you spend at least a fraction of the time you spend trolling sites like this on sites that advocate for individuals that are wrongfully sentenced/incarcerated (largely minorities) because they couldn’t afford “quality justice” or maybe you’d prefer to spend a little time lobbying for legislation to protect individuals that were harmed in some way by a corporate entity and the only reason they didn’t receive “justice” is because the defendant had deeper pockets.
            You’re obviously amused by precipitating contentious exchanges with individuals that you feel have inferior intelligence or social consciousness; or however you want to wrap and bow it. But in actuality it is a rather sad display of what is a thinly-veiled grasp at some type of superiority.
            Yes. The article is satire. You could’ve said your two cents and left it at that. Instead, as you continued your banter you revealed that you actually do understand how this could’ve really happened. But moreover, Mrs. Palin, while not a particularly adept orator, is also of the sort that can afford “quality justice” and the fact that such a disparity exists seems to be A’ok with you as long as they share your views.

          • M Colins

            Chris, you win today’s award for misconstruing what I wrote.. I am not describing the system I want, I am describing the system we regrettably have. All the rest of your exposition about poor people denied justice simply buttresses my point.

            And since it seems you werent following closely while you were doing your own bit of trolling, that opinion was offered as explanation for why the Clintons who have a long history of wrong doing have never had to pay for their criminality. Further I havent defended Palin, nor do I disagree that she does have the wherewithal to afford better legal representation than the average person. It simply amuses me to see the knee jerk attacks on Palin from the usual suspects accusing her of being an imbecile when they have missed the even more obvious fact they have been fooled. Irony is often a bitch.

            I also note your selective perception in accusing me of believing others have inferior intelligence, when my answer was a response to a particularly frothy troll from a guy who spent the better part of a paragraph telling me how stupid I was. Nor is it lost on anyone reading this I think that you have affected the identical attitude you accused me of displaying. I dont know maybe you are like the 25th century dolts in “Idiocracy” who think anyone who uses proper English to express ideas is being “f*ggy”?

            Thanks all the same for your drive by analysis Chris. Best of luck in your own very admirable trolling.

          • Joel Graham

            It’s not irony. Anyone can be fooled regardless of intelligence. Palin is a numbskull and has become a caricature of herself by buying into her own shtick. She fails to realize that it is based on her being fundamentally ignorant. People can recover after being fooled where Palin will always remain at her baseline even on a good day. Contrary to your tired assumption, people on the left are not thrilled with Clinton. We are stuck too. but we’re reasonably relieved, as are most of the country, that Clinton the scoundrel will not destroy America in 4 years where your front runners want to turn the clock back 50 years or worse, shoot from the hip and approach the situation with as much gravity as one might who thinks the office is nothing more than an extension of reality TV.

          • M Colins

            Right. So you can put any words in her mouth and always feel like the smart guy. I guess anyone can be governor of Alaska?

            I dont really give two craps about Palin, it is the idea that internet geniuses can make up quotes for her, feel superior and not even feel embarrassed about being fooled. And she can see Russia from her house right?

          • Joel Graham

            You’re changing your original point which is that it’s ironic that people fell for satire while calling her an idiot. I responded to that. And yes, anyone can be elected to any office in this country regardless of their limitations. Many people can excel in areas and still come up short overall. The pyramids for example, are not grain silos.

          • M Colins

            That remains my point. Sarah Palin isnt my idea of a national candidate but it seems there is no middle ground for some folks. If you like someone they are the best people, if you dont they are the worst. Palin isnt the only politician whose kids have gotten into trouble or are not perfect role models. You dont have to try very hard to see peccadillos in national leaders and their families. I dont think she was prepared for the amount and level of hate she was going to receive from Democrats in national organizations.To BB yeah she quit but I dont completely blame her. The left was going to get her out one way or another, and they chose to do it by filing numerous frivolous lawsuits, the defense of which the Palin family had to pay personally.

            I dont think shes done anything to the GOP. Up until her unfathomable endorsement of Trump she had pretty much preached a conservatarian viewpoint.

          • AlwaysReason

            Dude, Sarah isn’t middle ground material. What middle ground are we talking about anyway? We’re in the middle of being a wholly owned subsidiary of the Destruction of the Education Labor Healthcare Economy and Promotion of War Torture and Prison Inc. Fuck that middle ground.

          • M Colins

            I am wondering just how you think Palin has any influence over any of these issues. Also how it is you think our education system hasnt been committing malpractice on inner city school children for a long time now. You seem to be arguing that the way to improve things is to double down on the failure that already exists.

          • BB

            yes, anyone can be the governor of Alaska, anyone could quit their job too. Funny how you lean right and want to take powers away from the government to protect personal freedoms, yet so quickly you take away Clintons right to a fair trial. thats the problem with people like you. before you get all upset, i can’t stand the women and i hope she isn’t the next president, but you have the moral character of Trump. walking around with your head up your ass, is no way to get through life.

          • M Colins

            My opinion is that she is a criminal who has by virtue of her money and political protection always avoided prosecution. That is a material fact that people can use to determine whether they want her as leader of the free world or not. I do not require her to have a trial to make my decision. Nor have i advocated her getting a trial at all since she would by virtue of the things above skate as she always does. Hillarys trust factor by the way is not limited to conservatives, it cuts across to the Democrats as well.

            I dont support Trump unless hes the last one standing at the convention. I note that you want to impute opinions to me I havent expressed. Maybe its you who should pull your head out of your ass?

            Palin (who I dont think will hold office again) resigned her position because the moment she emerged on the national scene, there was a big fact target painted on her back. After the campaign the Democrat strategy was to marginalize her and to that effect something like close to a dozen frivolous lawsuits were filed, all btw except for one or two magically disappearing after she resigned. These had to be defended personally with their own funds. I think her resignation sealed her fate but only an idiot would think that this is not exactly what the DNC coordinated all their efforts into accomplishing. Frankly the more of her we see the more we see she could never be a serious candidate for office again.

          • BB

            you implied Hillary is a criminal, so you have found her guilty in your mind before she has been actually found guilty of anything. I can’t stand the woman, i find her flip flopping on issues nauseating. You then say not just anyone can be governor of Alaska, that isn’t true. Palin couldn’t be elected dog catcher today. If you want to protect out rights you need to protect our rights for all people. Palin resigned her position, because she was being investigate for ethics violations. trooper gate. She talks one way and acts another. She is the worst of the worst.

          • M Colins

            I didnt imply it, I stated it. One does not need for there to be a trial to hold that belief. It would be like saying I cannot say someone who has killed someone cannot be said to have done it until a trial has pronounced them guilty.

            BTW Troopergate was a Clinton Scandal before the name got attached to Palin. This was part of an “October Surprise” Obama supporters in Alaska attempted to use. In Troopergate a state employee was fired for refusing a state trooper who had illegally killed a moose, drank on duty, and used a taser on his stepson. That stepson was Palins nephew, the wife was Palins sister.

            An investigation found that the firing was lawful, but they believed that Palin allowed a family grudge to unduly influence her. No action was taken against Palin.

            So while you are lecturing me about my characterization of Hilary Clinton, you are doing precisley the same thing with Palin. If a State Trooper had done the things this one did, he would have been fired in most places already without any issues arising from it.. The Palin connection was exploited to create something out of nothing.

          • BB

            Palin and her past actions and current actions have come to light. She quit, she is a quitter. i didn’t make that up, i didn’t rewrite history. she quit and became the face of the wedge to split the GOP. Now the GOP sees what they have done and can’t reverse course. She did to her kids what she did to the GOP, guided them with words of hypocrisy.

          • smb11

            Sarah Palin doesn’t have the skill necessary to be an effective animal control officer. It is my opinion that she doesn’t want a real job anyway.

          • Norm Ash

            You talk about giving the Clintons a fair trial. I’d be happy to just get an indictment that won’t be politicized by Obama, Lynch and the MSM.

          • Jeff Scott

            The same Internet geniuses who make up crimes against Clinton? Small world!!

          • Norm Ash

            Your boy, Obama, has already turned the clock back 50 years. TRUMP will attempt to do a time reset to wipeout the past eight years.

          • Joel Graham

            50 years? Oh, when the Civil Rights Act was signed and Dixiecrats jumped over to the Republican Party where they’d feel more comfortable basking in their racist views. Maybe the black guy is a reminder that this happened and it reignited the old hatred and frustration that the racists felt. Your boy Trump led the charge 8 years ago by contesting whether Obama is a US citizen and the implication was that he is a Muslim from Kenya who will enact Sharia Law, Death Panels, Martial Law, will grab guns,and toss the racists in FEMA camps. Here we are 8 years later and none of that happened but in your minds the divide became greater because you were remind that you lost the Civil War, the Civil Rights Act and the black guy was elected twice. A freaking nightmare for y’all. Now, Trump is going to “erase” the last 8 years just like the Kremlin erased history or the powers in charge tossed “negative history” in tubes to be burned and erased in the book 1984. Good luck with that because this crap will lead to Clinton being president and the Republican Party been “wiped out” once and for all.

          • Jon

            To be fair Sarah Palin really is a moron that has said plenty of stupid things

          • tcurry

            I disagree. She is an American Patriot. Take a look at the House and Senate and listen to some of the speeches on the floor from the left. Nancy Pelosi for instance, we will read the AHCA after it is voted in. You can’t find anyone representing the US Citizens and Taxpayers saying anything dumber than that.

          • Gary Jenkins

            M Collins, if you know what she has done wrong and what is the right way. You can’t have any respect unless you put up. Otherwise, you are just a name caller. Did you read about Hilary’s wrongdoing in a satire page? You need to worry that you have been duped by a satire website.

          • Korteztk

            Black lives matter, and, no, I’m talking about black lives, not the organization.

          • tcurry

            Bravo!

          • Norm Ash

            You mean like the dozens of young women who were sexually assaulted by husband Bill and then publicly villified and humiliated by Hillary when they went to the authorities?

          • tcurry

            You are saying that M Collins seems to think it A’ok not him. You assume you know his thoughts. All of America knows the justice system is broken to the people who have the money to pay for a good lawyer. This does not mean M Collins has no empathy for the people who are wrongly convicted. You know what they say about assuming!

          • Dennis

            There is a great deal of evidence for lies, mean spiritedness and poor decisions for D. Drumpf, the nominal regressive candidate. None felonious perhaps, but undeniably indicative of poor character and inappropriateness as president. There is no evidence of any criminal acts on the part of Clinton. She never even reached the point of needing the kind of lawyers she could afford, despite the huge waste of money by the right wing to investigate her again and again and again and again and again and again and…

            She is not an “unindicted felon”, but the simply the target of odd and excessive malice. And would certainly make a better president than Drumpf, Cruz (the Dominionist) or Rubio.

          • M Colins

            No evidence? We must living in alternate universes.

          • Norm Ash

            Dennis, you poor old senile fool! You’re the epitome of what’s really wrong with the Kool-Aid drinking left. You’re as blatantly ignorant as those witless college kids hanging on Uncle Bernie’s coattails.

          • smb11

            M Collins – She is lucky in her accusers. Neither facts nor the law matter to them. All they care about is power. If either Clinton was truly guilty, there would have been indictments, trials and convictions. The real scandal is in the accusations that have no merit.

            If the accusers were concerned about the behavior, Reagan et al would have been indicted for Iran/Contra, Bush et al would have been investigated for using RNC servers, conducting campaign activities out of the White House, continuing to talking about Hussein trying to buy yellow cake in Nigeria after it was proven to be false, and the list goes on.

            The only thing that either Clinton was found guilty of was lying about sex.

          • porsche

            To be completely fair, Bill Clinton was not found guilty for lying about sex. In spite of everything, his “…it depends on what the meaning of the word ‘is’ is” defense was completely correct. He was criticized for being all lawyer-y, but he was absolutely correct. Now, he did lie to the American people when he said “I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky”, but however objectionable it is that he lied to us, it wasn’t an actionable offense, it wasn’t “under oath”, and it wasn’t perjury.

          • Tia

            And then she’ll call herself a Christian. Bloody hypocrite. Obviously one of Faux New’s misinformed morons.

        • Loyo Yostuff

          yo suck ass m colins… leave room for some lemons

          • M Colins

            another genius heard from…

          • Kelvinator

            I believe the word is troll.

          • jizzmasterzero

            yes, I agree.

          • generalgwok

            you can’t argue with stupid…you’ve done a great job trying, but you’re in a losing battle. thanks for the giggles though…you were spot on!

      • Larry

        She has made this statement, on more than one occasion.

      • Viclad

        Yes, faked but true.

    • 10isace2

      hard to tell with Sarah Palin….

    • Lynn

      I love how proud Colins is of himself for figuring out that an article on a website called satiratribune is satire…That must put his IQ at 150. The only thing worse than an imbecile is an imbecile that thinks he’s smarter than the other imbeciles.

      • M Colins

        I dont think there was really anything that hard about it Lynn, except apparently for people deranged with hate for Palin, of whom they will believe anything.

      • M Colins

        I see, so Lynn this must make you the imbecile who’s smarter than the imbecile who thinks he’s smarter than the other imbeciles? Apparently thats all it takes for you.

    • Larry Healy

      I doubt Sarah Palin knows what satire is.

      • M Colins

        Whether she knows it or not, it was the armchair geniuses here who proved they dont.

    • Ron

      wouldn’t have surprised me if it wasn’t

    • generalgwok

      Exactly, M Colins.

    • Feb thirteen

      Haha, what is funny is Americans believing she’s this stupid to say something like this!

    • Meli

      I think the way Palin carries herself is the only reason a person would believe this. Have you seen her stint in Iowa during Trump rallies? It isn’t much smarter.

    • jkfitz1

      It’s satire AND she’s a dumbass.

    • Neva Sari

      You sure do have a lot to say for somebody who doesn’t say much. Kinda like your girlfriend, Sarah P.

      • M Colins

        I guess you didnt read the part where I said she would never hold elective office again. Apparently to you anything less than absolute hatred for her makes her my friend?

  • Ed Selby

    I don’t know what’s worse – that this sounds like something she might say or that you people are too stupid to realize that THIS IS A SATIRE WEBSITE!

    (please don’t vote)

  • AlwaysReason

    I’d still do her.

    • academicjock

      I’ve thought the same. But, once you take her clothes off and the thicker layers of make-up … I wonder what is now under there. PLUS, she’d have to agree to wear a gag as the moment she’d talk, the lust would be gone.

      • AlwaysReason

        It was more of a comment on me, rather than her.

    • Loyo Yostuff

      gonorrea scars, herpes and enough yeast to open her own county bakery…

  • Bro. Steve

    Man! Just look at all the sages hatin’ Palin for being dumb.

    • academicjock

      Wrong … No one hates Palin for simply being dumb. People have contempt for her due to her FORCING her stupidity, her screech owl voice and her theocratic ideas of how our country should be run on others. Well … OK, and her being dumb doesn’t help, either.

  • hinchlnt

    I can hardly wait for this woman to jump on the Republican bandwagon next summer, after the convention, especially if Donald Trump is the nominee. She is bound to generate a lot of laughs, to say nothing of ridicule to be inflicted on Donald Trump. I realize this is website is for satire, but still yet, it is extremely easy for us to imagine her saying something just like this.

  • hraywallace

    What a dipshit she is.

  • academicjock

    Katie Couric has been vindicated!

    • academicjock

      Too bad it ain’t true … it is satire.

  • Punished Fox

    wow, everything, every single news article I have ever seen about this woman has to do with her ignorance and stupidity, makes you wonder if she accepted her appeal as an idiotic buffoon and decided to run her entire career around that.

    • UrsusMichaelus

      If she’s making bank, I don’t entirely blame her. Ride that rocket into the ground, baby!

  • Cwamember

    I can believe Sarah Palin siding with the Facist. All these shit pants seeking authority figures for protection is the easy road to facistism.

  • Denise Eden Whitlow

    uh…this is a SATIRE site.

  • Aztec01

    Go home Sarah, you are drunk!

  • Vonnie Phillips

    How much more evidence do you need about this woman’s incompetence? Unbelievable!!

    • AgNO3

      As much as yours for thinking a satire site has a true story?

  • Vonnie Phillips

    Tina Faye, where are you? This is a good one!

  • Doris D.

    Someone should tell her Steve Jobs is dead. Hard to charge a dead person.

  • Kelvinator

    Please, Sarah, say it ain’t so. I’ve been defending you ever since that stiff, John McCain made you his running mate. This is embarrassing. I’m just an average pedestrian, and I knew Steve Jobs was dead. What’s your excuse?

  • cwm

    Looney Tune

  • Morgan Griffith

    Jeez, there’s even a movie about him. She didn’t even need to read a book

  • John Marlowe

    And this is why we aren’t talking about a lame duck McCain Presidency

  • Ingrid Phoenix Doerksen

    Satira is Latin for satire. Satirical news for satirical folk. Covering politics, sports, entertainment, and current events.

  • Doug Hanthorn

    Granted, she is a moron, but so is the author of this piece. Apple is not being requested to create a back door into their encryption. They are simply being asked to disable the “10 tries and we fry the phone” feature on this one phone, as well as the time delays between attempts to unlock it. Apple can do this and Apple can do this for a single phone in a way that puts no other phones at risk.

  • William Wise

    She doesn’t seem to know what’s going on any more than Hillary, or maybe Hillary knows and just lies about it.

  • RLPulliam

    Is so possibly the stupidest person on the planet?

  • Lisa Blake

    Jesus fucking H Christ she dumb.

  • Rostislav Melnyk
  • RUsure

    No one I mean no one can be this stupid. Loopy Palin is in a league of her own.

  • kurtsip

    WHHAATTT? Are you sure this isn’t The Onion?

  • David Priver

    Why does the media continue to provide a forum for this imbecile?

  • CATRYNA49

    Palin is such a piece of work.

  • ann

    OH, NEVER MIND!

  • john5651

    she needs to learn to keep her mouth shut because every time she opens her mouth she just proves to the world how stupid she really is.

  • Mike Lawler

    Satire? Palin? With her there no difference.

  • Elle Campbell

    What a stupid Twit! Does she spend all her spare time under a rock? She needs to read current news once in a while. Steve Jobs… duh.

  • charles

    Hysterical

  • J. C.

    All satire aside, isn’t it time she and her followers are charged with that?

  • JC Ballenger

    Someone should inform Palin that we don’t negotiate with idiots.

  • Brian

    Dumb Chunt!!

  • DIE_BankofAmerica_PHUKKING_DIE

    Sarah Palin is the heart and soul of the GOP!

  • Bruce Brown

    STFU already Sarah.

  • David Jennings

    Surprised that she can spell and pronounce the word ‘treason’ – plenty of other candidates to line up for this offence – let us start with Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Gonzales all war criminals then how about Cotton and all who signed the letter to Iran; ‘treason’ the crime of betraying one’s country by over throwing the government

  • C_MO

    Satire reaches an art form when it can’t be distinguished from reality.

  • bcbob

    Actually I would have thought that she was channeling Joe Biden . . . .

  • Becky Markley

    I disagree with you on this one Sarah. If Apple allows FBI into our phones, then its sets a precedence (and a back door) for the FBI to get into anyone’s phones. Since the FBI can’t get a warrant (that should tell you something) there is another bill on the table….instead of Apple creating a backdoor,our politicians want Apple to store everyones data for up to 18 months so the information would be available to the FBI as needed. Apple does not own the phones once the phone is sold to an individual and therefore does not own how we use our phone. They do not have the right to access and/or release our personal information to the feds. Lots of privacy laws broken if they do. Also, if Apple were to comply with this new unlawful bill, they would have to beef up their systems and hire more people to record the conversations/texts. Even though the Feds said they would pay for the added expenses, basically what the feds are doing is making Apple another division of our corrupt political system. This is why Apple is backing down and not working with them.

  • MerryJune

    “If its on the internet it has to be true” — see how much we fall for printed media ?

  • Dorothy M. Tate

    LMBO!!!!!!

  • Danny Branch

    yeah hes dead bimbo

  • Got Genes?

    She didn’t REALLY say this, did she? This is The Onion, right? I mean … NOBODY could be that…. wait. Oh, never mind.

  • Dan

    She is such a clueless fcuk,,who cares if this is satire

  • bmart100

    You’ll have to dig him up first.

  • Dave Hinckley

    I was convinced this was something she said, until I saw the url. She still has me blocked on her FB page, though.

  • Stephen Cuchinski

    Sarah should pose nude and not speak. I would love to look down and see your face, just not hear her speak.

  • just a girl

    I never heard her say any of this.

  • Max Knickerbocker

    Sarah Palin …. Poster girl for Stupid Idiots without a Clue.

  • nunya

    Palin is like the Kardashians no body gives 2 shits what you have to say!!!

  • Leo Taylor

    Just because she didn’t really say it doesn’t mean she won’t. She’s dumber than a bag of hammers.

  • Louis Swan II

    Sarah Palin….Bitch shut up, the FBI need to charge you for Treason for being such a Air Head and Stupid on top of it.

  • Robert Darnall Sr.

    Any one who does not think that the political babysitting system of ongoing SUPER SPIN is not IN FACT “ALIVE & WELL”… Just read the comments below. Sorry KIDS……… We never stood a chance………………..

  • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

    Although it IS satire, this DOES sound like something that the Alaska Barbie would say.

  • Beniskly

    Nor could mister Jobs be reached for comment.

  • David Baines Valley Sr.

    I want to pin her against a wall and lay wood to her, get it lay wood to her butt. trust me she missed her dose of Prozac more than once.

    • tcurry

      You are a disgusting piece of flotsam.

  • Dennis Wallace

    He has been dead for 5 years! She joking isn’t she?

  • Bob

    I don’t laugh at Palin any longer, I laugh at the media still giving her coverage. You’ve got to be stupider than Sarah Palin to want to report about her.

  • FloridaDude

    Stupid bitch.

  • Todd Witte

    Sarah Stf up. Lifelong republican yet I like apples position. The media is not telling the public that the FBI is only now demanding help because it screwed up and locked the phone. So the FBI it people weren’t as good as they thought. Media not giving the full story. Do some research, you’ll find the truth. Go Apple. Sarah just go back to looking like a hot soccer mom but please keep your mouth shut. That voice is as irritating as fingernails on a blackboard.

  • johnlawsoncasey

    Piss off Palin, Your opinion is not wanted.