The official Canadian Government website that provides information about immigration to Canada was down for several hours this morning. A spike in volume from United States servers was identified as the main cause.
Susan Raymond, Deputy Minister for the Department of Immigration, Refugees and Citizenship, apologized for the inconvenience on the department’s website and assured that all measures were being taken so that “this will not happen in the future.”
When reached for comment, she added, “We have seen this sort of thing happen in past U.S. election cycles. People who joke that if Candidate ‘A’ wins, they are moving to Canada. There is always a small percentage of Americans who just check the process out of curiosity, but we have never seen anything like this, not even during the Obama election.
Our number of inquiries has actually been steadily rising ever since the election season began. We saw a jump when Trump started to gain traction and a bit of a spike when Carson looked like a front runner, but nothing could have prepared us for last night. As soon as Cruz was declared the winner, our servers practically melted. We have had our IT people in and upgraded to Amazon’s top cloud servers. But, wow, a lot of people really must hate that guy.”
When asked about the general attitude of Canadians towards the field of candidates, Raymond responded, “As a government official, I really can’t comment on that, but as for the Americans who are seeking a new life in Canada, I get the feeling that it’s part of the ‘grass is always greener’ mentality. I can safely say that as our grass is frozen for most of the year, your grass is truly greener.
“Let me add that we are flattered by your sudden attention, but we feel that our web resources are better utilized when they are accessed by people who are truly fleeing brutal and horrible situations. Syria immediately comes to mind. Maybe Texas too.
“Finally, let me add that as Mr. Cruz renounced his Canadian citizenship last year, we don’t have to take him back, as much as you might beg us to later. Once a person renounces his citizenship, the person is yours to deal with, suckers.”
